that's poetic... that's pathetic
07/02/01 ~ 9:20 p.m.
"how did i get here... how the hell...christmas! christmas eve, last year."
i'm feeling a little depressed. not a lot, just a little. i talked to ned this afternoon. it was a good chat, he was just normal old ned. not sappy, i miss you ned, not grouchy, stressed ned. just him. that was fine. i just... it's so hard with him so far away. i face more and more each day how much i like him. it's crazy... there are so many things that i DON'T like about him, so many things i SHOULDN'T like about him... but... it's unexplainable. and i want him to like me back the same way, but i don't know if that's possible.
"...someone to live for, unafraid to say 'i love you'"
rick told me today i was confused about ned and i. my reply was, "i'm not confused about the feelings. i am frustrated because we can't be together for at least 2 years and i don't think what we have can last that long without more depth of a realtionship. which we didn't deveop enough while he was here. so i'm confused what to do about it. i could try to break free (again) or i can just let my heart decide. right now... my heart is ruling." and i want it to. it's just so hard to be 'pining' (i'm not THAT bad, but that's the best word i could come up with) when all my friends are in such happy relationships. so all i do is take pictures.
"...and if i capture it on film, will it mean it's the end and i'm alone?"
~holly~
p.s. don't miss the non- emotional, previous entry! go back in the day.
p.p.s. i won't forget that "when you're dying at the end of the millenium, you're not alone."
back 
forth
* check the cast page for details about this person!
