is it so bad to be happy?
06/21/01 ~ 10:39 a.m.
i got 2 new swimsuits yesterday. normally i would refrain from such indulgences because i'm moving soon and need money, but they were only $3.99 each piece! i got 2 tankini type suits that are 2 pieces but they have full coverage. no tummies hanging out for me! these suits are like the staff suits this year. every girl on staff has one. i am refusing to wear mine to work. it's only a play suit so i don't look like everyone else.
so... a comment about my diary recently was "Holly gives me a dose of the lighthearted and sometimes a laugh or two". hmmm... i guess i am lighthearted. i'd like to address that.
i am what many would describe as an "eternal optimist". i am happy when everyone else is blue. i bring people's moods up. i'm not saying i'm perfect, i get tired/ hurt/ angry/ depressed too, just less often. and it never lasts long or is severe. so even though some of the issues that have gone on with my friends (jail, breaking/entering, domestic violence, sex buddies, general craziness) are serious issues, i look at them with a sense of humor. i laugh at most things, including myself. the glass is always half full. and if it's not, i try my best to convince myself it is.
that *can* be bad. i mean, there have been times that i have pushed my sad feelings down so deep that no one realized i would have liked some help. (this was mostly when my dad was coming home drunk every night and cheating on my mom and my mom was drinking and we moved out of town during my senior year of high school). and if i do that for too long, things will crash down. when that happens, i'll spend 2 days in my room in the dark, sleeping and crying. now, this is like a once a year thing. if that.
i think if i keep trying to explain this, i'll walk around in circles. (i don't need to... walk around in circles, walk around in circles. forest fire! candy bar!)
only 6 1/2 more hours of work! oh, then 3 more at the pool! whee!
~holly~
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