the truth hurts
05/21/01 ~ 7:55 a.m.
ok, so i have a few things to talk about on this entry. i hope it doesn't get too long, so bear with me.
number one: i saw my dad. i don't feel like going that much into it, it was kinda hard. i cried a little. and if you know me, you know i *don't* cry. (at least not very often.) i knew i wasn't getting any money from him. but what i'm trying to do is make him happy by seeing him. maybe someday in the future i'll have a chance to get all the money he owes my mom and brothers and i, and it helps if we're on good terms. "good terms" is a vague thing though... and we're definately not there yet. the highlight of the afternoon- finding out my mom smoked pot when she was younger. ha ha.
number two: i spent the weekend in livermore. once again, it felt like i was *home*. i miss those guys. i love my friends up here, but i think sometimes your high school friends are hard to replace. especially when you take lots of trips down memory lane. it was great.
number three: well, while i was down there, "astrid" found my diary. i felt terrible as soon as she said it. the thing is, i didn't feel "betrayed" or "exposed" like one would normally feel when their "diary" has been read (ha ha lots of "quotes"). and that's obviously because this is an online diary where people are supposed to read it. so i felt terrible because of what she must have read about herself. the thing is, i LOVE all my best friends. (all my friends, for that matter.) no matter what they do, what faults they have, how they may make me feel at any certain point in time. and this being a diary, it is privy to most of my little rants. and however true the feelings may be in a rant, it can still be hurtful. those are things that usually aren't something the other party wants to hear. hopefully when you find things out like that, you can take them to be contructive criticism.
so, winding up, we talked about it. i reassured her. and i'm not going back and changing anything. what's done is done. and i'm happy she'd read it because now she'll keep coming back. plus she started her own diary! which is great. i'm going to check with her first, but if she gives me the go-ahead, i'll link her here. and i'll start using her real name, because she uses it in her diary.
i'm so happy that strong friendships can survive things like this. astrid and i have a wonderful friendship. we went out last night and everything was great- a day after her having read the diary. i gave her one of her birthday presents (a month early). it's a scrapbook i made for her, with a page for every month we've known each other. i was very proud of it, and she loved it so much it made me feel great.
number four: I'M DONE WITH SIERRA COLLEGE!!!! ok, got that out. my last final was this morning, and now i'm done until september. wahoo.
ok, that's it. love you all~
~holly~
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