ranting about my weight again
02/05/03 ~ 2:20 p.m.
i did my new yoga tape last night, and again this morning. i am SORE. but i like it. it makes you feel good (or sore), and be more self-aware. which is where this rant comes from...
i have a very skewed self-image. it goes both ways. sometimes i see myself in my head as a skinny, hot chick. and when i catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror, i am disgusted. other times, i seem to think i am bigger than i am. like, i cringe when i have to sqeeze by people to get to an empty seat in class. or i hate to sit on the bus because i think my fat ass is taking up too much room.
basically, i think i've always had this, but i'm more aware of it now that i'm conciously working on it. it's also frustrating how long it is taking already, and is going to take to get to my goal. every week that i weigh in and don't lose, adds another week onto my target date. as in today. i was exactly the same as last week. but i don't know... there could be more muscle, less fat, because i'be been exercising like a mo-fo. sigh.
it's on my mind 24 hours a day. you guys are lucky i don't talk about it non-stop on here.
check out the virtual model page i made! i can kinda see what i'll look like when i get down to the 160 range. i like it. (wish my boobs looked that that. ha!)
and, to go off topic, I HATE WIND. it is my least favorite weather condition. and i HATE biking in it. i'd rather bike in rain. seriously. it SUCKS. grrrr.
to clear days ahead...
~holly~
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