angry and helpless
11/04/02 ~ 10:37 p.m.
i'm pissed off.
see, i have this class called software development. it actually is the class that most mimicks what i want to do when i graduate. it puts us all on teams of 4 to do our projects, and we act like we're coworkers, split it up, combine our efforts, that sort of thing.
so my group is me and 3 guys. matt i knew before. he's cool. derrick i met in class and asked to join our group. but the last guy we found by advertising on the newsgroup that we needed one more partner. his name is vinh.
we did part 1 with flying colors -- got the highest grade out of all 22 teams. we all did our sections, and vinh went the extra mile and turned them into webpage form to turn it in (which wasn't needed, but cool anyways.)
so part 2 was to get it into a webpage form to demonstrate how it would look. well, my part was IN webpage form already and i didn't know what changes it needed. i asked all of them repeatedly what to do and got answers like, "just send me your part when you're done." sunday night i was online till late, with david whining to get to bed, chatting with all of them and no one was telling me anything! so i told them, "i'm going to bed now. i have class from 10-11. i will check my email before and after class and if you tell me what changes need to be made, i'll do them. otherwise i'm done. you guys are confusing me. i'm not trying to slack, i want to do my part, but i don't feel like i had a direction to go in."
this project was due at noon. so, no email before class. after class, i wait in a really long line at school just to check my email and i have 2 emails from vinh along the lines of "WHERE IS YOUR PART???" and i'm like, what the hell, people.
so i take my few pages, make tiny changes to them so that the instructions are more specific, and email them to him. then i go to my next class. i come home to this:
Holly,
I emailed the entire group with posts and emails regarding what is wanted out of this assignment. It was pretty straightfowards. The pages you sent me looked nearly identical to the pages I made in the last assignment with very few modifications. That bothers me a lot. Every assignment requires lots of details. I don't mind collaborating and making sure everything is there, but if I honestly don't see the effort, then there are going to be problems.
Vinh
i was so mad. i'm sitting here WAITING for them, i go to all our group meetings (which, i might add, vinh missed), and then i get shit on.
so i'm sitting here pissed, hoping this isn't a preview of what it's going to be like in the workforce, and david says, "yeah honey, it's because you're a woman. and white."
oh. my. god.
i wasn't even thinking like that!
am i being discriminated against? does vinh feel that because i'm not a male asian that i'm inferior?
what the hell is going on here???? i'm a smart and capable student! i didn't make it in this class without passing the other classes just like everybody else. fuck him.
*i* don't discrimininate, at least to the best of my knowledge. i have black friends, asian friends, mexican friends, girls and boys, gay and straight. people are people! and now it's coming down on me.
so then i managed to fall asleep cuddling with david and not go to that class last night, totally unplanned. screw them.
yeah, so i have an interview in 2 hours. i'm dressed but i need to do my hair. and get a better attitude, i think.
grrrrrrrrrrrr. i'm still pissed.
~holly~
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