i feel like crying
03/26/01 ~ 01:12 p.m.
so... i know you're all wondering, how was my weekend? in a word... stressful. my stomach felt like it was eating itself from everything that went on. so, here's a quick synop:
i went to the party at amy's house friday night. rick was supposed to meet me there at about 1. i had a good time, brought my friend justin, all was good. at about 4 am, i gave up waiting and went home. rick was sleeping in his car in front of the house. we talked until about 5:30 ish, not really about much that i recall. i was ok that night. next morning, we went out and saw amy again, and hung out with astrid for the better part of the day. then we came back to my house and watched high fidelity. then we went and rented almost famous. while on the way to blockbuster, rick started dropping the stomach-eating bombs. basically, he was grilling me on the seriousness of me and ned cuz he's jealous (he even said he was jealous). he said "hypothetically, if someone was to kiss you, would you kiss them back?" and i said no. and i was explaining that i really like him, and talking about his good qualities, and rick said it sounds like i've lowered my standards. plus he's very immature about sex and doesn't understand that everything i've shared with ned is very special and not "gross". i don't want to try to go through the whole conversation again (my stomach already feels awful) but we talked for a while and he said that he still has stuff to tell me but he'll do it next time. i compared us to dawson and joey, cuz joey is with pacey now. and i asked him, "are we always going to be jealous of whoever the other is dating? cuz i was jealous of heather, and amy, and terika, etc..." and he said "i don't know, this is the first time i've been jealous. plus, you shouldn't have been cuz those didn't mean anything" and i was like, "this is my first relationship since you!" plus he was implying that ned means something to me, which he does.
why is this happening?? i'm not cute. i never have guys. now there's two. i have a headache and a stomachache now. all i want is for someone good to care about me!!! i guess it's too much to ask.
~holly~
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