not all good things
05/13/04 ~ 11:39 a.m.
EDITED TO ADD: thanks for the comments i've gotten so far. just wanted to let you know, i'm feeling a little better about the fast. i finally just took a sip of the lemonade drink today and by god, it's not bad! see, last night we bought the right kind of maple syrup (grade B) but since we couldn't find it monday night, we used normal grade A in the first drinks. and too much pepper. and it sucked. but today, both david and i agree that this is doable, until the supplies run out.
oh yeah, and i'd like to re-iterate that i'm not doing this strictly for dieting purposes. i want to cleanse my body and clean out my organs. just sayin'.
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ealier today: so, i'm even more freaked out about telling my boss about the surgery. she called me in her office this morning for a chat about bonus checks and my performance. she says that all the things i do - don't make errors, am here everyday and on time, get all my work done - are expectations and it's great i'm meeting them. however, i need to be more proactive and get more work off of her desk. if i move more paperwork, she's more productive, and thus, we all get bigger bonus checks. i think i got a smaller cut than the others since in her eyes, i'm just breaking even, not going above and beyond.
but then she sais something about the next three months being very cruicial. fuck. that's june, july, and august, right? and it's looking like i'll be out for most of august and septemeber.
fuck. but i need to do this surgery. i need to. boy, am i dreading the day i have to tell them. all i know is, i'm waiting until after i actually recive the bonus check mentioned today. cuz i bet i won't even get a tiny piece of the next one.
changing subjects, my coworker took it upon herself to research the fast david and i are doing, and repotred back to me today that it's actually very unhealthy and kills the body's electrolites. argh. i'm torn.
i don't want to just give up on it, i want to prove to myself and others that i can do this. i have the willpower. on the other hand, it sucks. i mean, a juice diet has got to be better than these nasty drinks. though the salt drink did clean out my system this morning.
david and i decided we'd already spent enough money on it (god damn, jugs of maple syrup are expensive!), so when we run out of supplies, that's it. that will take us to about 6 days.
but what do we do? is it healthy? am i concerning myself that it's not healthy just because i don't want to do it anymore?
and i have to mention, you're supposed to drink 64 oz of the lemonade drink and yesterday, i only managed 32. so i'm severely low in calories. just sayin'.
i'm going to talk to david on lunchtime about both of these issues. but for now, i'm venting to all of you. aren't you lucky?
comment, please, if you have any ideas or opinions for me. on anything.
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