no angel
10/26/01 ~ 6:04 p.m.
i know i'm not perfect
but i can smile
and i hope you can see this heart
behind my tired eyes
i just got back from doing something i never do. i took a drive. i drove around davis, looking at parts of it i'd never seen before. i got myself an ice cream cone. i usually hate driving. but it was oddly comforting and nice.
i also established that every copy of little women in all of davis is rented out. we're talking blockbuster, hollywood, 49'r video, video city, everywhere. i just felt like watching it tonight, after having to read the book (well, the first half) last week for class. seems others in my class did less reading than me. sigh.
so now i have not much to do this evening. i actually think i'm going to read the second half. that way i feel as if i'm doing schoolwork, kinda. cuz i should be working. but i am getting together with andy to work tomorrow, from 10 - 6. that's a lot of working. so i think i need a quiet, relaxing night. tv dinner, a book, and myself.
i'm still in this funk i've been in for awhile. i feel like i'm underneath a whole pile of shit with no hope of getting out. i feel unproductive, useless, and out of control. i'm unmotivated to do anything, and i feel like i'm letting myself down. i hope this goes away soon.
i feel like i should be saying so much more, but it's not coming to me. the basic, day-to-day stuff seems unimportant, i guess. from the tone of this, my page should be gray. argh.
...but i can smile....
i'll try.
~holly~
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