a long entry about my family
07/23/04 ~ 1:12 p.m.
i had an emotional night. i had a big fight with my mom. but to understand it, you'll need some background.
my parents divorced in 1998. my dad cheated. he's still with that woman and they have a 4 year old together. he paid child support and alimony for awhile (at a very high rate because he made good money), but then get got fired. he got another job, less pay, and got fired again. it's been 4 years since he's held a real job, though i know he works under the table. the court ruling has never been amended, so my father owes my mom an extreme amount of money. he also owes me personally $15000 for money not paid while i was in college. anyways.
so there's financial crap. there's emotional crap from being cheated on. then there's abandonment crap because my dad only did visitation with my brothers for a few years. my mom harbors a LOT of anger and resentment.
meanwhile, my grandparents never really made an effort to see my brothers, either. plus they still support thier son, even though they know he screwed over our family. they don't approve of his life; they hate his girlfriend, his inability to get a job and how irresponsible he is.
ok. so. there was a time when my mom couldn't get ahold of my dad - his phone number wasn't working or something. she called my grandparents to get the number, they told her they didn't have it, she got upset with them and said they were lying, they told her they didn't care about her. she rattled them, so they told my uncle, who then called my mom and threatened her with a restraining order. BIG DRAMA. this was maybe 2 years ago?
i swear, i'm almost done with the background.
so my mom would prefer that i cut all ties with my dad and grandparents. however, i've slightly mended my relationship with my dad and i don't want to ruin that. i don't really talk with him, maybe an email now and then. haven't seen him since my graduation a year ago. i get along very well with my grandparents and i want to continue to talk to them. so i do, and i just don't tell my mom about it. don't ask, don't tell.
the last time we talked, my grandma asked about my brother chad*. he's got a heriditary incurable disease that she has, and she feels terrible that he's going through that. so i told her what i knew and about his most recent diagnosis and such. no big deal.
well, apparantly they told my dad and it prompted him to call my mom's house and leave a message for chad about how he's been thinking about him and is concerned to hear of his troubles. to most people this might seem like a nice gesture, if not a little overdue. but to my mom, it was a huge, terrible thing.
she called me last night, screaming about how i told "those people" her business, and that i'm not allowed to tell them things that go on in her house. she yelled, i yelled (which is not like me), she yelled more, i started crying (more like me), she kept yelling, i couldn't talk and i sqeaked about how i couldn't talk anymore and she HUNG UP ON ME. my own mother. she has never done that before.
and what's worse? she never called back.
this morning, i finally called her. it was about 10:30 am. we're supposed to go to her house tonight, to go out on her boat for the weekend. i didn't know if i was still invited, or if i even wanted to go. so i called and asked. we're still going. then she started going on about everything again and made me cry again. here at work, at my desk. she won't listen to anything i have to say, she hates my dad and my grandparents, and she says *i* put myself in the middle. F THAT! i didn't put myself here, SHE and MY DAD did. i am not going to cut off my grandparents and dad just because they hurt her and she doesn't like them.
she says that if they were to call and apologize and make an effort to find out about chad and joe on their own, then she'd be receptive to that. bullshit, i say. i bet she'd freak if they called my brothers. i want to test it out and see if she means it.
so i'm going to tell my grandparents what went down, and tell them that if they don't talk to my mom and keep in touch with my brothers on their own, then i can't tell them about what's going on anymore. i'll still call them and tell them all about my life, but not the lowdown on my family. and if they actually do call my brothers, then we'll see how my mom likes it. this has to get fixed, at least a little, because i can't handle this shit anymore.
did i mention i have PMS? somebody looking at me wrong could have had me in tears. sigh.
sorry to air all of my family's dirty laundry, but i really needed to get it off my chest. i'm going to go now.
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* check the cast page for details about this person!
