book review: the fat girl's guide to life
05/28/04 ~ 10:58 a.m.
i just finished reading "the fat girl's guide to life" by wendy shanker. i heard her on my favorite morning show yesterday (bob & sheri, they broadcast a lot of places) and she was funny and cool, and it made me want to read the book. so i bought it. and absorbed it all in in a day and a half.
what to say? well, damn if it didn't make me feel a wee bit ashamed that i've worked so hard to lose weight and how i'm still striving to reach the goal weight i've set for myself. but it's not so much about whether someone is actually losing weight, but attitude. self-love, self-acceptance.
maybe that's why i felt ashamed. a big part of me is losing weight for the wrong reasons. i want to fit into "normal" sized clothes, i don't want to be made fun of, i want other people's approval. and now i wonder if i should just accept the size i am, cut out the dieting shit, and be fat and proud.
people who are Fat and Fabulous are awesome. my friend sammi has her attitude going on and i love it. she's big and beautiful. she buys good clothes and wears what makes her look good. she has cute hair and expertly applies makeup. she's fun, intellegent, and talented. she knew she derserved to be loved for all that she is, and boys and girls, it happened. she has a wonderful boyfriend, a rockin' sex life, and a promising future. and she did it all without losing a pound. i'm sure she doesn't love her body 100% of the time, but she does a great job of faking it!
i was more like that a few years ago. hey, i was fat, and i took no notice of it (which was sort of bad, cuz i didn't dress in a flattering way, but i digress). i didn't do anything about it, i didn't bitch about it, and i didn't apologize for it. i took tons of pictures and didn't hide from the camera myself. i was outgoing, funloving, and confident about my coolness.
david said that those were the qualities that attracted him to me. confidence, happiness, a zest for life. what happened eventually though, is that i got sick of my fat. it got in my way, it cramped my style. it made me unhappy. and because i was unhappy, i needed to make a change.
now, i wasn't one of the people she talks about in the book that have yo-yo dieted for years. in fact, this weightloss time around is only the third time in my life i can recall ever trying to lose weight. the rest of my life, i didn't mind that i couldn't buy size 8 jeans or wear bikinis. the only thing i minded was a lack of male attention. i wanted to be loved. but i didn't want to be loved for my body, but for ME. so i had one thing right.
i am loved for me. david has never found my body disgusting, he's loved me and whatever shape i'm in every day. he admires me, he touches me just to feel my skin, and to him, it wouldn't matter if i sprouted a third eye. he loves me. he enjoys me losing weight because i am happier and regaining that self-confidence i had when we met. only it's different - before, i was confident and unaware of my size, and now, i'm becoming confident and self-aware.
the message of the book is to love who we are, love our bodies, and to not apologize for who we are. not to conform to society, but make society conform to us. have more stores with plus-size clothes, more plus-size models, and more acceptance of fat. less discrimination, less scrutinization. be healthy, exercise, eat right - yes. so that we live long lives and are happy. if we're never a perfect size 6, then so be it.
i promise that i will lose my unhealthy weight and no more. i promise that i will eat nutritionally and enjoy a treat if i want to. and when i get to that point, i will love my body no matter its imperfections. or, at least, i will strive to get to that point. i'll try not to ask david "is that person fatter than me?" because i compare myself to others too much (that's his answer usually, that it doesn't matter how much someone else weighs). i want a healthy body image. that will be my goal just as much as the number on the scale.
it's a good book, people. it's got a lot of hot culture examples, it's got new and to-the-minute information. it's not making me grab some fast food and stay fat, but it made me feel inspired to stop hating my fat and all fat in general. read it if you're curious, whether you are fat, skinny, or in between. we should all love ourselves more.
~holly~
p.s. this is cross posted in my diet diary. don't need to read it twice!
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