way too much about my personal life
03/13/03 ~ 12:33 p.m.
(typed earlier)
here i am, at work. been here for an hour, now it's 9 am. the big boss was supposed to come see me this morning, but he never did and i can see on his outlook calendar that he has a meeting from 9-12. he was going to fix the program i am supposed to be working on, and until that happens i can't do much. i am reading the help files on fileNET because that is what they are assigning me next. help files are BORING.
i have 6 more class periods to attend for this quarter. one today, 5 tomorrow. if i made a bet for money that i'd go to all of them, i'd probably lose. and you know i need money.
5 finals. one is a take home, that's my math one (can we say cake?? MATH at home? ha ha.) one is a combination of take home and in class, that's my advanced comp. we already have the topic and we can prepare and write as much as we want, and finish during the final time on monday. tuesday i have two - shakespeare and operating systems. shakespeare... not knowing exactly how i'll do, there will be essay questions and also some soliloquies for us to analyze. ugh. OS shouldn't be toooooo bad, it's open book... but i've really been slacking with attending that class so it won't be cake. and lastly, i have my artificial intellegence final on thursday. that one is a total wild card... it could be anywhere on the diffculty scale of 1-10. it's open book, but that won't help in the hard situation really.
there. those are my five tests. bleh.
then i get to 'rest' for a week. i put that in quotes because i am going to be working full time that week. i need the money. but what are they going to find for me to do for 40 hours?
i am happy that the friday of finals week (a week from tomorrow) david and i have set aside the day to rearrange our room. moving the bed and desks and dresser around will be like a breath of fresh air. =) i never changed my room last year, and this one has been the same since the day i switched rooms.
want to know a character flaw of mine? of course you do. i have this need to be 'perfect' in a lot of ways. i'm trying to lose down to the perfect weight. i want to be the perfect friend. i used to be a perfect student. and now, a lot of my focus goes to being the perfect girlfriend.
in my mind, 'the perfect girlfriend' is a few things. she's thoughtful -- cooks dinner and brings little gifts to her man. CHECK. she's not too demanding (CHECK) or too needy (half check). she's there for him to lean on. CHECK. she's the perfect lover - gives him everything he wants in bed, and more. CHECK... but sometimes i take this too far. i worry if i think he wants it and i'm not in the mood. so i try to put myself in the mood. 95% of the time, this works. but sometimes... i just set myself up for failure.
TMI coming up....
last night we both woke up around 3 and couldn't get back to sleep. i get this feeling that he might be wanting something... but i'm tired and hot and not feeling altogether perfect in the nether regions. cuz in fact, we'd had 'relations' every night since sunday. but i decide to suggest that we sex it up, to maybe tire us out and put us back to sleep.
bad idea, holly!!
remember? not feeling altogether great down there? try as he might, he only got me semi-aroused, which doesn't help with the rubbing factor. so eventually, there was pain. but i try to let him finish because... remember, i'm the perfect lover!! but soon i can't take it anymore, make him stop, and burst into tears because i felt so bad.
why didn't i just let sleeping dogs lie? we were cuddling before i made my stupid suggestion, we could have fallen back to sleep without any of this hassle, and i wouldn't have given him blue balls, so to speak.
david's wonderful. he wasn't mad, and thought i was crazy for getting upset. HE felt bad for hurting me. and he reminded me that even though the thought had crossed his mind to have some 3am nookie, he had gotten it for 3 nights in a row, and all was good. he wasn't going to suggest it. and he reminded me that we are very good together and that it is always better when we're both really into it. and that i keep him satisfied and i don't need to pre-empt his needs. and that he loves me.
so, let's just forget last night. i AM the perfect lover. ha.
now that i've revealed a lot more than i usually do, i'm going to dissapear. don't expect to hear about my sex life for another 6 months or so. resume thinking i'm a cute little angel goody goody virgin who just loves the muppets and puppy dogs and all that foo foo stuff.
love and stuffed animals,
~holly~
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