don't get my hopes up
01/31/02 ~ 8:23 p.m.
ok, ned's mom, louise, is terrible. she's onlien chatting with me and she tells me that if i go to san louis obsibo with ned, she's get us our own room for the conference. instead of me rooming with 3 girls!!! yay. but then ned says:
"now you're changing the parameters of the conference".
me: will it not be a "grange" thing if we get our own room?
ned: not really
me: i don't want you mad about it. it's not a big issue. i'm kinda sad cuz i thought that would be cool. but rememeber, i don't want to get in the way of what you love
ned: it would but a grnage thing is one where you stay up most of the night with everyone
me: BUT we would have our own room to retire to if we wanted to
ok, i thought it was over then, but apparantly we're still arguing about it. i'll let you know in a little bit.
LATER:
ok, i am calming down from being VERY pissed off. ned and i rarely fight cuz i just cater to his needs all the time, but this time... grrr. we made up, we're cool, but i am going to share with you some select bits of the rest of our conversation.
me: are you worried that i'll spoil your fun?
ned: this is a youth conference for a family organization
me: right, where people usually "hook up", at these family organization things
ned: hook up, not disappear entirely
me: and you think we're going to do that? you're worried i'm gonna lock you up in our room?
[pause]
me: um,are you going to say anything?
[pause]
me: i hate upsetting you
ned: I don't know what to say
me: what do you mean
ned: none of my explainations do anything
me: i feel more like you're making excuses to me or trying to say that i'm gonna sababtoge the whole trip
ned: you're just changing the whole trip
me: and you're mad at me for that when i'm not even trying to CHANGE your trip
ned: if you wanna get a room we can get one there -- it's a motel six (probably) they will have rooms if we decide to get one there)
me: ok, so you'd like me to go
me: have a room with the girls
me: and then rent a room for one night if you're horny
ned: go if you want to
ned: but don't go betting on having a room
ned: go betting on going to a grange conference
me: that's what i AM betting on
ned: i'm not planning on shagging you all day and ignoring the grange
me: i want to go to the confrence
me: i maybe wanted to have a bed to sleep next to you in
ned: this isn't helping my thoughts about you going for the wrong reasons
me: you know, i could spend the whole time you're here NOT sleeping with you and i'd be fine
me: but you seem to think i'm some nympho
ned: I never said anything about you being a nympho
me: and i hate it when you're mad at me and stop talking
me: well, when you don't say what you're feeling, you leave one to draw conclusions from your two word sentences
ned: I just don't think getting a room is a good idea. it will be looked down upon.
ok, that's enough of that. so basically, i wish his mom had never brought it up. we're ok now. we're not gonna share a room, but we'll probably be up all night and we'll fall asleep in some random room, cuddling. i'm gonna go to this stupid confrence, i'm gonna have fun being there, and i hate myself for it.
sometimes i'm just too weak. heather keeps telling me not to go. and part of me wants to not go. but most of me wants to see him, and i'm giving into that.
i hate fighting.
~holly~p.s. what the hell is this?!?!? ----
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