friendship
03/03/04 ~ 1:21 p.m.
the boss just left, so it's time for some updating. feeling a little "eh", slight headache and the sun is going behind yucky gray clouds. it was shining this morning!
so, i spent the majority of my morning, in between actually getting tons of work done, text messaging with brooke*. it sucks -- somehow she's gotten the impression that i'm mad or jealous or upset with her and robert*. and apparantly he feels it too, so somehow, i did something to make them feel this way. but it took me completely by surprise -- here i was, totally happy how close brooke and i still are despite living an hour apart, and BAM! everything's not as hunky-dory as you thought it was.
i've said this before, but again, good friendships are almost like romantic relationships. bumps in the road can twist my stomach around. it kinda did that when i got the email from her last night, letting me know that they think something is wrong. instead of replying, i decided to call because that's better for communication. her cell phone was off and i don't have their new house number, so i left a message.
so we text messaged all morning, and i swear, every time my phone beeped at me, my stomach would flip over. even if i was on the phone with some broker or something. and i was kinda stuck - how do you convince someone you're NOT mad at them? if they have that feeling, how do you reassure them?
i admitted that there is a certain amount of jealousy there, but that it's not all-consuming or anything. i mean, of course i'd like to own a house right now instead of being in huge debt. but i know that it will come to me and hey, my life right now isn't half bad. i tried to figure out if i was in a mood that day -- the drive pissed me off and aunt flo come to visit a little early -- but really, from what i remember, i was chatty and friendly and told stories about david's drama coworker.
she lets me know that it wasn't just this weekend, or when i visited last, but text messages and conversations we've had ever since the house stuff started up for them. i hurt their feelings by some of the things i said about choosing a house and all that. but here's how i look at it:
you know how your best girlfriend always has your best interest at heart? like, when they meet the new boyfriend, they want to make damn sure they're good enough for their friend. and if your friend has been screwed over by a bunch of smarmy guys, you want to make sure she's not fallen for this guy only because he's less smarmy.
it was the same deal with this house - i awnted to make damn sure she got what she wanted and was happy, not regretful. i was afraid they'd seen so many shitty houses that they might have been settling for the "least shitty" of the bunch. after seeing the place, i know that's not true. they hit on a great house, and pretty quickly -- after only a few weekends looking. and they got lucky because the first buyer fell through. it was meant to be. but my caution towards the house upest her.
another issue was a vibe david got and passed along to me. he misunderstand who robert is. robert is a financial guy. he's an insurance underwriter for the hartford, and i assume he's damn good, too. so when the four of us were hanging out, he was telling david and i about why he wanted to buy a house soon. and every reason was financial. interest rates and resale value and all that. and he didn't mention the part about wanting a home to share with brooke and get a dog and be a family, you know? so david mentions this to me and i relay it to brooke. i can see how that hurt her feelings, because really, robert does want all that stuff. it's just not the way his mind works.
and the last issue is marriage. robert has always had a life plan for himself that includes dating for 3 years before proposing. they haven't hit 3 years yet (this summer), thus, there would be no reason for him to have produced a ring. however, since they just bought a house together, brooke was hoping that they'd at least be engaged... and they're not. i want my best friend to be happy and have what she wants, so i've been hoping he would propose before they moved in, too. but i think she's realized that he's there to stay. this whole house thing has proved it. she most certainly doesn't want him to propose because she put her foot down, or because her friend is putting pressure on him. i know that robert is committed, and when the time is right, it will happen. i can see it.
so how do you try to get across to someone that you're not mad, and explain the faux pas you made in coversation?
you write an entry about it, and hope they'll take it as an apology for hurting them.
brooke and robert, i love you guys.
~holly~
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* check the cast page for details about this person!
